My wife is one of the best pickup artists I know.
Or at least she is when she’s wearing my face.
Three months ago, Asha & I had decided to open up our relationship. To have sex with other people.
We’d both dived into Tinder, and I watched her match and get hit on by just about every guy (and more than a few girls) she swiped. Meanwhile, I hardly ever got a match, had only managed to get two dates, and had gotten stood up on each one.
We tried to fix it. I lowered my standards to the point where I was sometimes swiping right on everything. Matches were still few, and now they were with people I’d never actually enjoy going out with.
We asked /r/AskTrollX, a community of cool girls, why I wasn’t getting matches. There was some good advice, but most of it was in the vein of “I’m sorry I can’t think of any solid advice or explanation for why he isn’t getting any matches, but your husband is suuuuuuuuper hot. Like wow.”
Helped heal my confidence… but my matches remained flat.
When I did manage to get a match, the chit chat wound up dead every single time. I tried talking philosophy, making clever jokes, asking about their life. Shit did not work.
In essence, my dating life looked a lot like this:
Then, one afternoon while I was wallowing deep in the pit of despair, knowing that the dating game is simply an unfair hell for men…. My wife grabbed my phone and set up two dates for me. In half an hour.
That was the turning point.
If she can get girls to agree to go out with me when they think she’s me and the only thing she’s doing differently is how she’s writing… the problem isn’t me. It’s my game.
So, to improve my attractiveness to women…I created a spreadsheet.
That was 16 days and 1079 swipes ago.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
So, I’ve swiped right on 1079 girls and counting since January 30th. 32 of those have been superlikes.
First off, here’s my profile: http://imgur.com/a/wrSrj
Got any criticism, compliments, thoughts? Fire away.
Yes, I know that mentioning that I’m in an open relationship in a country as conservative as Singapore is not helping. But that’s just honesty.
Lesson 1: For guys, Tinder is a number’s game.
I’m in Singapore, which isn’t the most sexually liberated place in the world (gay sex is still illegal here), so I’m kinda hoping my numbers are lower than they would be in, say, San Francisco.
That said, my match ratio is painfully low: 7.05% of the people I swipe right on will swipe right on me.
Superlikes help, making you 175% more likely to match with the girl. Still, that’s only a 12.5% match rate.
To put that in perspective: I totalled 74 matches after over 1000 swipes.
Things get a little bit more grim when you learn that 19.4% of girls will unmatch you at some point. Some will do it when you send the first message, others (a painfully high amount) will wait until you’ve had a long conversation and even scheduled a date.
So that’s a bit depressing… but what about when you and the girl hit it off?
Lesson 2: Talking about her is the best way to get her attention.
I tested out 8 different types of opening lines:
- About Pics. I comment on something about her pictures.
- Examples: Kelly, Farah, Christin
- Interesting Question. I ask her some random interesting question.
- Examples: Victoria, Malavika, Isabel
- Name Joke. I make a joke about her name.
- Examples: Shikin, Sierra, Pham
- Name! I literally just say her name plus an exclamation mark and maybe a smily face.
- Examples: Preetha, Ren, Syairah
- About Bio. I comment on something about her bio.
- Examples: Alice, Celine, Jingle
- Hey. I literally just say hey. Exclamation marks and smily faces optional.
- Examples: Madeleine, Diana, Mella
- GIF. I send a gif.
- Examples: Hop, Tiara, Alne
- She messaged me.
- Examples: Michaela, Ayesha, Paula
The best way to get a response, hands down, is to talk about her pictures (91.67% response rate) or her bio (87.5% response rate).
It gets a bit weird down the line between these two, though.
While talking about her bio makes you two a bit more likely to have a long conversation, talking about her pictures makes you twice as likely (25%) to get her number.
You can see all the data on each opener here:
Lesson 3: Not many girls will send the first message. But those that do are gold.
About 12.5% of girls will open the conversation first.
If you do this, I like you. May all your Tinders be excellent conversationalists who cook you delicious food and are godly in bed.
Girls who message you first are 145% more likely than average to have a long conversation with you, 244% more likely to give you their number, and 271% more likely to plan a date with you.
These girls are awesome.
Lesson 4: Once you get her off Tinder, you win.
I haven’t been doing this long enough to go on all the dates I’ve planned (and some are in other countries), but I’ve learned that a girl who gives you her personal information & talks with you off of Tinder (even if it’s an Instagram chat) is almost guaranteed to go on a date with you.
Once you match with a girl, you have a 15.63% chance to get her contact info.
0% of women will ask for your number (my wife is literally the only girl I have ever seen ask first). So it’s up to you.
I’ve gotten the contact info of 10 girls. These have been phone numbers, Instagram names, Telegrams, & Lines. 9 of these girls have planned dates with me.
This is just the beginning.
Did you notice that my numbers were ever so slightly off during this post. The values in the pictures didn’t exactly match the values in the writing.
That’s because I’m still swiping. Still gathering data.
Over the next 12 months or so, I am going to completely growth hack Tinder. From profile pictures and descriptions to different countries to men vs. women.
I’ll be posting updates with interesting new learnings here on this forum.
And it’s not just me anymore. I’ve recruited some awesome folks to help me along with this:
– Toby – CEO at OneBit & my boss
– Nat Eliason – Content Sumo at SumoMe
– Asha – My wife
Want to be a part of it? You’ll get access to exclusive data (actual lines that repeatedly work, a look at individual examples, live updates, etc.), mentioned in update posts (especially when you’ve learned something new and cool we can share), and a chance to hop on skype with me and talk about growth hacking.
Just follow the guide here, and I’ll invite you to our private channel.
Oh, and happy Valentine’s Day.
– Eddy, Growth Hacker & Founder of RadNomad