If I told you that the day I met Asha was the day I met the girl I had always dreamed of, it would be a lie.

Never once, not in my most romantic or wishful dreams, did I ever imagine that a girl like her could exist.

If you took an all-mighty artificial intelligence and asked it to analyze what Eddy is and create his ideal companion, it would create Asha. Our bodies fit like a 2-piece jigsaw puzzle, our philosophies align & mesh, even our bloody flaws compliment each other.

Our fights are loud, unabashed (even when in public), and furious. Our sex is much the same. (more…)

Tinder Data

My wife is one of the best pickup artists I know.

Or at least she is when she’s wearing my face.

Three months ago, Asha & I had decided to open up our relationship. To have sex with other people.

We’d both dived into Tinder, and I watched her match and get hit on by just about every guy (and more than a few girls) she swiped. Meanwhile, I hardly ever got a match, had only managed to get two dates, and had gotten stood up on each one.

Confidence destroyed.

We tried to fix it. I lowered my standards to the point where I was sometimes swiping right on everything. Matches were still few, and now they were with people I’d never actually enjoy going out with.

We asked /r/AskTrollX, a community of cool girls, why I wasn’t getting matches. There was some good advice, but most of it was in the vein of “I’m sorry I can’t think of any solid advice or explanation for why he isn’t getting any matches, but your husband is suuuuuuuuper hot. Like wow.”

Helped heal my confidence… but my matches remained flat.

When I did manage to get a match, the chit chat wound up dead every single time. I tried talking philosophy, making clever jokes, asking about their life. Shit did not work.

In essence, my dating life looked a lot like this:

Lama No

Then, one afternoon while I was wallowing deep in the pit of despair, knowing that the dating game is simply an unfair hell for men…. My wife grabbed my phone and set up two dates for me. In half an hour.

That was the turning point.

If she can get girls to agree to go out with me when they think she’s me and the only thing she’s doing differently is how she’s writing… the problem isn’t me. It’s my game.

So, to improve my attractiveness to women…I created a spreadsheet.

That was 16 days and 1079 swipes ago.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

——————–

So, I’ve swiped right on 1079 girls and counting since January 30th. 32 of those have been superlikes.

First off, here’s my profile: http://imgur.com/a/wrSrjTinderProfileFront

Got any criticism, compliments, thoughts? Fire away.

Yes, I know that mentioning that I’m in an open relationship in a country as conservative as Singapore is not helping. But that’s just honesty.

Lesson 1: For guys, Tinder is a number’s game.

Tinder

I’m in Singapore, which isn’t the most sexually liberated place in the world (gay sex is still illegal here), so I’m kinda hoping my numbers are lower than they would be in, say, San Francisco.

That said, my match ratio is painfully low: 7.05% of the people I swipe right on will swipe right on me.

Superlikes help, making you 175% more likely to match with the girl. Still, that’s only a 12.5% match rate.

To put that in perspective: I totalled 74 matches after over 1000 swipes.

Ouch.

Things get a little bit more grim when you learn that 19.4% of girls will unmatch you at some point. Some will do it when you send the first message, others (a painfully high amount) will wait until you’ve had a long conversation and even scheduled a date.

So that’s a bit depressing… but what about when you and the girl hit it off?

Lesson 2: Talking about her is the best way to get her attention.

I tested out 8 different types of opening lines:

  • About Pics. I comment on something about her pictures.
    • Examples: Kelly, Farah, Christin
  • Interesting Question. I ask her some random interesting question.
    • Examples: Victoria, Malavika, Isabel
  • Name Joke. I make a joke about her name.
    • Examples: Shikin, Sierra, Pham
  • Name! I literally just say her name plus an exclamation mark and maybe a smily face.
    • Examples: Preetha, Ren, Syairah
  • About Bio. I comment on something about her bio.
    • Examples: Alice, Celine, Jingle
  • Hey. I literally just say hey. Exclamation marks and smily faces optional.
    • Examples: Madeleine, Diana, Mella
  • GIF. I send a gif.
    • Examples: Hop, Tiara, Alne
  • She messaged me.
    • Examples: Michaela, Ayesha, Paula

TinderOpenersGraph

The best way to get a response, hands down, is to talk about her pictures (91.67% response rate) or her bio (87.5% response rate).

It gets a bit weird down the line between these two, though.

While talking about her bio makes you two a bit more likely to have a long conversation, talking about her pictures makes you twice as likely (25%) to get her number.

You can see all the data on each opener here:

TinderOpenData

Lesson 3: Not many girls will send the first message. But those that do are gold.

About 12.5% of girls will open the conversation first.

If you do this, I like you. May all your Tinders be excellent conversationalists who cook you delicious food and are godly in bed.

Girls who message you first are 145% more likely than average to have a long conversation with you, 244% more likely to give you their number, and 271% more likely to plan a date with you.

These girls are awesome.

Lesson 4: Once you get her off Tinder, you win.

I haven’t been doing this long enough to go on all the dates I’ve planned (and some are in other countries), but I’ve learned that a girl who gives you her personal information & talks with you off of Tinder (even if it’s an Instagram chat) is almost guaranteed to go on a date with you.

Once you match with a girl, you have a 15.63% chance to get her contact info.

0% of women will ask for your number (my wife is literally the only girl I have ever seen ask first). So it’s up to you.

I’ve gotten the contact info of 10 girls. These have been phone numbers, Instagram names, Telegrams, & Lines. 9 of these girls have planned dates with me.

This is just the beginning.

Did you notice that my numbers were ever so slightly off during this post. The values in the pictures didn’t exactly match the values in the writing.

That’s because I’m still swiping. Still gathering data.

Over the next 12 months or so, I am going to completely growth hack Tinder. From profile pictures and descriptions to different countries to men vs. women.

I’ll be posting updates with interesting new learnings here on this forum.

And it’s not just me anymore. I’ve recruited some awesome folks to help me along with this:

– Toby – CEO at OneBit & my boss

– Nat Eliason – Content Sumo at SumoMe

– Asha – My wife

Want to be a part of it? You’ll get access to exclusive data (actual lines that repeatedly work, a look at individual examples, live updates, etc.), mentioned in update posts (especially when you’ve learned something new and cool we can share), and a chance to hop on skype with me and talk about growth hacking.

Just follow the guide here, and I’ll invite you to our private channel.

Oh, and happy Valentine’s Day.

– Eddy, Growth Hacker & Founder of RadNomad

Update [April 6, 2016]: I’ve proven that I’m right about this. I will never need to worry about basic income needs (<$3500 USD/month) again. 10 days ago, I unexpectedly lost all sources of income & did not have any plans to make more. As of today, I have a $2500/month contract with one startup, and a $4000/month contract with another (though it’s being paid 100% in equity for the first month). It took me 10 days to secure $6500 doing things I deeply enjoy. Life goal = achieved. 

Man that feels good.

——–
A month ago, I was flat broke.

I had borrowed money from my mother, grandmother, father in law, friends. And despite that, Asha & I were back to counting cents so tightly that we couldn’t take a ride on the subway without worrying about it.

And this wasn’t a new state of affairs for me. I’ve been having money problems since I first begin playing around with entrepreneurship when I was 16. There have been periods where I wasn’t worried, but most of the time I was painfully low on funds.

Today, I have $2500 USD in my bank accounts. I have another $1750 coming in every month, $500 coming in this week, and I’m meeting to close a deal for $2000/month on Friday. Also included in these deals are profit shares & startup equity. Plus, I deeply enjoy both the work I’m doing and the projects I’m working on.

If anything falls through, I’m not worried; I’ve got about 3-5 clients I’ve had to turn down because I don’t have the time for them right now. My cold-pitch email response rate from potential clients is 75.68%.

Growth Hacking Cold Email Response Rate

You know what changed? You know what it took me 6 fucking years to learn?

(more…)

Walking Meditation

This is part of The Daily Meditation Experiment, where I am practicing one school of meditation per week (well, it’s supposed to be a week. I hasn’t been, really) to understand the overall structure & effects of each.

Meditation Method: Walking Meditation

This is really a simple meditation style. I go for a walk. Done. I can listen to music, think my thoughts, practice parkour, take pictures, whatever.

Adherence: 41%

I have practiced this meditation for 75 days (a week per meditation style, ha!).

As usual, I am terrible at practicing my meditation.

I have learned that I am MUCH more likely to practice it if I wake up and begin my day with my morning ritual (which has me doing yoga outside as one of the first things, then meditating).

I’ll try to improve upon this for my next meditation, and have a chosen an easier style to help achieve this.

Thoughts

The first time I tried walking meditation, it was amazing. I walked around the local area of Ubud’s alley roads. I saw cool construction sites, petted dogs, discovered beautiful hidden gardens, and even ran across a white woman who had evidently married a Balinese man and was walking down the street wearing home-cloths and yelling in Bahasa Indonesia.

I recorded my thoughts during the meditation, and remarked that it’s like a ticket to explore. I’ve uploaded that recording here:

But then I went back to Asha’s parent’s place in Singapore. It’s just a series of huge cement apartment buildings in the boondocks of Singapore.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a beautiful and fascinating place. Singapore’s government takes quite excellent care of it’s people, and this place is full of well-designed paths, nice looking parks, lots of trees, and the beautifully designed front yards of the tenants. And a lot of stray cats. I even saw a group of workers installing some solar panels on the roofs. (more…)

  • Mentioning the time the email takes to read before sending it increases replies by 175%
  • It is hugely important that I learn to moderate my anger with Asha, and love her. Especially when she is crying, and even when she is rude and mean. I love her, and she loves me. To be a dick to her is simply not acceptable. Asha, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry & I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone besides my dad.
  • I really enjoy entrepreneurial meetups. They’re shockingly valuable & quite enjoyable.
  • If a meeting is important to me, I need to aim to be there an hour early. Then I should be on time.
  • If you begin feeling a need to prove yourself, shut up.
  • Reading books about worthy heroes instills in me a desire to join their ranks.
  • Taking a day to go relax somewhere beautiful is a great idea. Spending the day at a park, or botanical gardens, or beach, is incredibly relaxing.
  • I don’t like being around normal people. Even if they’re nice and they’re family and all that, I’d rather stay home and work or read.

  • I REALLY haven’t been learning from my past mistakes, entrepreneurially. I’m still working with people I don’t admire, I’m still taking on small-pay jobs, and I’m neither rapidly growing my skills or trying to put myself into a position where I can. Enough of that, it’s time to go big or go home and only take on contracts that scare everloving crap out of me.
  • As usual, tasks are 1/5 as hard and 500x as enjoyable once you’ve started them. This is especially true for stuff you’ve never/rarely done before.
  • I love Asha, and she loves me. So much so that I am 95% sure I will still be married to her and in love with her and doing odd and exciting things with her when I am 200 years old. To my amazement, we are continually becoming better and better partners. Challenging and overcoming our fears, allowing eachother to grow, taking loving care of each other when we are down (she is much better at this than I), serving as a major source of each other’s motivation & self-improvement drive. I have the ideal relationship. I am so proud, and I am so lucky.
  • Polyamory is HARD. God damn.

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  • Pole dancing is surprisingly difficult. It requires technique, upper body strength, and some pretty serious pain tolerance (the friction is intense).
  • Usually, when you fear taking an action, a quick look at it reveals that there is actually nothing to lose. Write and publish a blog post? The only thing worse than publishing shitty posts is not publishing posts. Approach someone sexy? Right now, you’re doing 0 enjoyable things with that sexy person; Approaching them could equal at least 1, and getting shut down usually feels better than not trying.
  • Asha is doing her best in our relationship, and that deserves nothing but love and appreciation. I must simply guide us to make sure that we respect each other and support each other without making each other feel restricted.
  • Artsakh is a country that isn’t recognized by the UN. Gregory has been there. That’s cool.
  • People, in general, are kinda disappointing. There are very few heroes.
  • I admire Asha for her ability to, without fear, directly challenge and criticize authority.
  • Remember stoicism when you get attached to an idea.
  • I learned that turning off the hibernate function on a Windows OS can free up a lot of space
  • I learned that, when I need my time to cool down, I should tell Asha directly.
  • I shouldn’t try to show Asha that I’m her strong man by showing that I’m stronger than her. Just that I’m strong.
  • Doing something physical and thinking is a great way to handle any emotional problem.
  • I can easily change my mindset into one that is unstressed, well-designed, and appreciative of a quality outlook

What I Learned This Week (Nov 2 - 8, 2015)

  • Rereading a book after a period of time makes it a very differnet book.
  • Always, always negotiate to get what is fair.
  • Jealousy & fear can lead to a lot of pain and mistrust. One way or another, I must internalize two things.
    1. I have chosen to put my full trust in Asha, and I have never caught her breaking it. While it is definitely possible that she does break my trust without me knowing, for reasons I don’t understand… thinking like that will drive me mad and surely end our relationship. I am left with but one reasonable option: trust her, and find comfort in that trust.
    2. I do not need Asha. I want her almost desperately. My life would be worse off without her. But I do not need her. She supports my work, is a source of my comfort and emotional warmth, allows me to koo, ensures my sex life is excellent, is adventurous and philosophical… she is excellent for me. But to allow these facts to make me cling too tightly to her will simply harm us and handicap me. I must be able to walk alone, even with her. Take deep pleasure and comfort in her presence, but not rely upon it too often.
  • Bring in interesting and inspiring ‘fuel’ for my mind, and I will be compelled to produce interesting and inspiring work. If creativity is shit, this is food.
  • I have to weigh my actions by my own scale. Other’s believing different than me can be listened to, but it must always come down to my own judgment on myself.
  • I must never again allow my lesser self to take control of my actions. When I do what my highest self does not want to do, I don’t fully enjoy it, and I often steal enjoyment from my future in the process. It is almost fully self-destructive. To do what I most desire, in my highest self, leads me to the highest enjoyment in the moment & an enjoyment that serves to build the foundation for an increased future enjoyment. As I go, my enjoyment will grow exponentially, built on the base of past actions and building the base of future actions.
  • Polyamory takes a LOT more work than monogamy. The increase in relationships, paired with humanity’s relative inexperience in the realm, leads to a TON of turmoil. If ever Asha and I decide to really look into it (possible, as it has a lot of benefits), we will have to be very solid together and able to survive & thrive in just about any environment.
  • Seeking to always improve in every way (posture, kegles, writing faster, creating ambiance, etc.) is an enjoyable habit to form.
  • No one really know anything, and all I can truly know is that I know nothing & that the few things I have strong hunches on are things that must be proven by my own experimentation & nothing else.
  • Asha is doing her best, as am I. When she tries to make me talk about everything, when she wants to cuddle when I want to work, when she does all of that stuff out of love for me and a desire for the most enjoyment in our relationship. If I feel that she is making me do things I don’t want to, I simply have to correct the course of things.
  • I learned more about how to analyze a website funnel. Really, once you gather the data, the advice it gives is quite blaring and self-apparent.
  • I learned about using the Why game to break down pretty much anything.
  • There is nothing to lose by writing a post. There is no reputation to be damaged, no audience to fail, nothing. There is only the chance of an excellent post, or the choice of no post.

 

What I Learned This Week (Nov 2 - 8, 2015)

  • It feels good, sometimes, to not have a bunch of thoughts and plans and to just feel emotion.
  • Rereading a book after a period of time makes it a very differnet book.
  • Planning a year takes little more than a day or two.
  • Always, always negotiate to get what is fair.
  • Jealousy & fear can lead to a lot of pain and mistrust. One way or another, I must internalize two things.
    1. I have chosen to put my full trust in Asha, and I have never caught her breaking it. While it is definitely possible that she does break my trust without me knowing, for reasons I don’t understand… thinking like that will drive me mad and surely end our relationship. I am left with but one reasonable option: trust her, and find comfort in that trust.
    2. I do not need Asha. I want her almost desperately. My life would be worse off without her. But I do not need her. She supports my work, is a source of my comfort and emotional warmth, allows me to koo, ensures my sex life is excellent, is adventerous and philosophical… she is excellent for me. But to allow these facts to make me cling too tightly to her will simply harm us and handicap me. I must be able to walk alone, even with her. Take deep pleasure and comfort in her presence, but not rely upon it too often.
  • Bring in interesting and inspiring ‘fuel’ for my mind, and I will be compelled to produce interesting and inspiring work. If creativity is shit, this is food.