TL;DR: I believe in transparent and open communication as a startup. Julian & the Golem team are more into moderation and controlling the message. I still hold a large portion of my net worth in GNT, I still think GNT is going to be a world-changing company, and I wish the team the best of luck. But know, if you are a Golem user, that you will have to look elsewhere than in the Golem-controlled channels to learn everything that is happening.

———

A few days ago the worth of 1 GNT (Golem Network Token) roughly doubled. Which peaked it at an aprox 460% increase since the ICO in November (yes, it was an ICO. They have to call it a crowdfunding event for legal purposes but when you sell coins for the first time, that the definition of an Initial Coin Offering. This is, however, my personal opinion and in no way the view of Golem Factory GmbH).

At the time, that made GNT about 29% of my total net worth.

I was quite excited.

(more…)

In The Arena

I wrote this four years ago, when I was 19 years old. Re-posting from SebastianMarshall.com for posterity & because it is still 100% relevant.

————————

A note to self, that turned out to be a near universal truth to all young entrepreneurs.

————————

No, I am not ahead of the game.

I do not have ample time.

Nothing is guaranteed.

I will not be fine.

Sure, I’ve done one or two impressive things for my age. So what? At my age, Elon Musk was building PayPal.

In comparison to many, I’m ahead of the game…but why compare myself to the many? Even when comparing myself to those I respect, there is no reason for me to ever feel lax or like I am guaranteed to come out ahead.

The truth is, I’m not.

Here’s the truth: Lately, I’m lazy. I slack off, I waste time, and I don’t get shit done. This isn’t always the case, but it is more often than it’s not.

Here’s another truth: I love life most when I’m in one of two states: Either I’m adventuring completely, with no plans for my days and much exploring. Or else I’m creating something, and devoting everything I’ve got to it. If I’m creating something and giving it any less than all I’ve got, I don’t feel good…and that’s my body telling me that I’m operating wrong.

Yet I sit at my computer and feel overwhelmed or bored or simply lazy. Why?

I don’t know for sure, but I believe it has to do with humans’ natural tendency to be inactive. In a survival setting, it is in our best interest to conserve energy so that, when the lion leaps out of the bushes, we’ve got all the energy we need to run away.

But the time of lions has passed. I am not in a survival setting.

I am in the time of philosophy, where how you think dictactes how you live. I am in a setting of lifestyle design.

I have a choice to make, and my natural inclination is towards the latter while my desire is towards the former. I can choose to exert all my energy into cultivating a lifestyle & mindset backed by philosophy that allows me to remove all barriers, self made and otherwise, and give everything I’ve got into whatever I’m focused on, thereby maximizing the chances of turning my goals into my reality and enjoying my life to it’s fullest. Or I can choose to take it easy, live a normal life, and look back at the end of my life without great pride or great regret…just a collection of passable memories.

To me, the latter is death. What is the point of living, and living consciously, if you live on autopilot?

Yet the former is not an easy route to choose. It is the path that is walked by heros, and no others. It’s followers are most often found in fiction novels, and quite rare in reality.

I want to be one of those who choose a path of self-moulding. I am nothing that I do not choose to be. None of us are. But most of us choose to accept the influences of our outside world and so be moulded into something that is not entirely under our control.

It does not have to be this way. Social awakwardness, fear, laziness….it’s all just the product of being moulded instead of moulding oneself.

How can I mould myself?

First, listen to no one without hearing your own objections. Convention states that everyone has down days. It states that, at 19, I am ahead of the game. It states that you can’t always give 100%. That you’re emotions are you, instead of a tool of yours. That your thoughts and your mind are you, instead of just a set of tools.

What am I? I am my inspiration. My emotions & my thoughts are tools of my inspiration. My body is a tool of my mind. They need not effect me anymore than a pop-up notification need be clicked. I can take note them, address them immediately, or complete ignore them, depending on what best serves my inspiration.

I know what I want. I know it instinctively.

I know how to get it. Usually instinctively, or else I know how to learn how to get it.

Often, despite this knowledge, I will do something that is not what I want or not the best way to get it. My emotions and preconceptions and fears take hold of my actions and steer them off the best course.

This need not happen. I know all that I need to know…going about following that knowledge is simply a process of treating my thoughts and emotions as imperfect tools, and doing what is best for my inspiration.

I don’t want to regret my days. I don’t want to go to bed knowing that I did no do my best. I don’t want to be a servant of my lower selves.

I want to go to bed proud and exhausted every single day. I want to spend my days absorbing reality to it’s fullest, and building my life into what I dream it can be. I want to be completely fearless, and have the internal mindsets and rituals to override all obstacles and bring me rocketing towards my goals.

This isn’t just about adventure & entrepreneurship anymore. I’m not here just to make an automated income that lets me travel and have fun. This is about love, and finding the perfect woman, and having what I need to be the best man in the world for her. This is about body hacking, and learning all the supplements and rituals and tests and experiments I can do to optimize the capabilities of my body and mind. This is about immortality, and learning how to live forever by whatever means I can. This is about being the kind of person my mentors & role models will enjoy spending a lot of time with, and feel confident in asking and following my advice. This is about deep adventure, doing the kinds of things that change the way I see the world and having nothing outside of my reach.

This is about living a life worthy of a great novel’s main character. A Jarlaxle, who changes the lives of legendary warriors for fun, destroys and creates dynasties for pleasure, lives life for the enjoyment of it, hangs around dragons & heros & villains & legends, and is remembered only as a confused memory of a dramatic whirlwind of action and creation by most who cross his path, be they a street merchant or a king.

This is about disregarding the game everyone else is playing, making a better one, and finding a select few who you would enjoy playing deeply with.

This is about being worth the gift of life that most of us have forgotten the value of.

  • Do what’s most important before everything else.
  • When doing something, focus 100% on it. Don’t let a single thing distract you. Full focus on the moment & what you’ve devoted it to.
  • Gotta set and keep to hard stops when doing addictive things. Set an end time & stick to it.
  • Procrastination is my killer. Avoiding tasks that take like 5 hours and stretching done time to weeks. This and crashes are the biggest problems I have.
  • Consistency, procrastination, and focus. These are the three horsemen of my apocalypse.
  • Acroyoga is fun as fuck
  • Act like you’re Manny (chilled out polyamorous character from The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress by Robert A. Heinlein). Drowning in pussy, not worried about it ever, but still able to deeply appreciate women.
  • I gotta work pretty hard to make my security more top notch. Turns out that maintaining one’s privacy is actually a pretty time & energy intensive matter. Also paranoia-making.

Original Experiment Document Here: NoFap Experiment II – 90 Days, Eddy & Kush

——

So, it’s been 95 days since I masturbated, looked at porn for pleasure, or ejaculated/orgasmed via any means that don’t involve another person.

The fact that that’s 95 days and not the originally intended 90, because Asha (my wife) is headed to Japan to see her boyfriend for a few days and I didn’t really have much incentive to masturbate when I’ve got a girl like her around, is telling. I didn’t go through anywhere near the kind of temptations and sexual deprivation that most other NoFappers have to endure without at least one partner.

Asha and my relationship is so sexual that, for the first 6 months or so, I didn’t fap at all simply because I was having so much sex that fapping was never appealing. Well that and because she had an unhealthy dislike of me masturbating. Our sexual life wasn’t what it used to be for most of this experiment thanks to some stresses we’ve been going through, but we still averaged at least once every few days.

Another thing worth noting is that I went on a pretty intense porn binge right before I started the experiment, while I was alone in Canada. I did a LOT (I mean a LOT) of masturbating and smoking weed for a week or so before starting. I didn’t know I was going to try NoFap then, so this wasn’t motivated by knowing I’d be going without.

So, what are the results of 95 days of NoFap  w/ partners?

How NoFap Is Supposed To Affect You

There’s a pretty huge range of effects people report via NoFap. The most common are:

  • You will be more attractive to girls. They’ll check you out more, you’ll be more skillful at flirting, you’ll get laid more.
  • You’ll feel more motivated and more awesome. Being the man you wish you were is much more easy.
  • You’ll experience flatlines, which are periods of depression and/or low libido
  • On the flip side, if you’re dealing with any form of depression or general shitty feelings, this will help alleviate that.
  • You’ll be more energetic.
  • If you work out, you’ll see a faster rate of growth.

A few examples of these claims:

Effects that 95 days of NoFap had on me

In short, not much in terms of long-term effects. But a definitely appreciation for the short-term effects of masturbation and how best to use it.

More motivation and skill with women?

Especially in periods where I wasn’t with Asha, my mounting horniness would drive me to go a bit crazy with girls. I’d be swiping on Tinder like crazy, approaching girls on the street the few times I was on the street, and being pretty damn clever and funny and flirty.

I only went on a few dates, and had sex with only one other girl, mainly because when Asha was back within a few days my motivation to get other women went down heavily.

Eventually I wound up going on a date with a cool girl. She was clearly interested in me, she was doing some pretty cool stuff with her life (a pretty well developed philosophy of hard agnosticism, a lot of well thought out viewpoints, cute face and body, learning biochemistry to develop medical substances)… and I just wasn’t interested. So I stopped dating. Will resume later when my desire is back up.

But, when I am talking to women, this feeling and tone of desperation and almost kicked-dog-like desire for approval is completely gone. I’m much more detached from whether or not they’re into me, and more interested in entertaining myself and learning about who they are. I wonder if that’s a result of NoFap and if it’s something that will stay even after I stop.

Post-fap note: Yup, it’s stayed. Which means that I can’t definitively attribute this improvement to NoFap, though I can’t rule it out either.

Flatlines?

I think, though I can’t be sure, that I went through a few periods of emotional lows that were at least partially influenced by NoFap.

I definitely experienced libido swings. There were periods where I was so horny I couldn’t work or sleep or do anything but flirt. And there were multi-week periods where my libido was just lower than I can ever remember it. Quite a lot of time was spent in the latter, which I’m hoping that fapping will put an end to as I enjoy life more when I’m hornier.

I’d expected my sex drive to go up drastically. Interesting to see that, to a large degree, the opposite happened.

Besides those two…

There were no noticeable effects on my life from NoFap. Nothing. I wasn’t more motivated, more active, more confident, more attractive to women.

There were times I was so horny I couldn’t work or sleep and just found myself flirting endlessly on Tinder and OkCupid. So my earlier prediction about being horny to the point of distraction was correct.

Simply put, the effects of not masturbaiting while having regular access to sex was, for me at least, negligible.

I’m actually excited to masturbate again. I think it’s going to be really enjoyable.

Post-Fap Notes

Well, the first two days of being able to masturbate knocked me on my ass. I spent nearly two whole days jacking off and watching TV and generally wasting time.

One thing is for sure here: I did not have a good handle on my ability to control my urges with this drug. I lost control.

This has happened before, under similar circumstances. I start the day, decide to give into the urge, and wind up in a cycle of stagnation.

To counter this, I set a new law in my life: I cannot masturbate until after I’ve reviewed my day. Period. It’s been ~9 days since then, and I haven’t screwed up (or masturbated more than a couple times, I think).

After recovering from those two days, however, I haven’t seen any change in myself. My interest in women is still minimal, my libido has risen a bit but not a huge amount, I’m not more or less depressed or happy or motivated or active or anything.

Conclusion

NoFap gave me an appreciation for the power of masturbation, and my ability to resist doing it when it would have a negative impact on my life.

While there aren’t any long-term effects of masturbating or not that I noticed, the short term effects of ejaculation, namely fatigue and tiredness, are definitely there.

Just as with any drug (I’d classify this, as well as video games, as drugs in that they artificially stimulate your dopamine levels and can cause addiction) masturbation can be harmful if used wrongly and should be done mindfully. I have succumbed to indulging in it to a point that it’s a net negative to my overall enjoyment & a source of procrastination and stagnation, and NoFap has shown me that I can decide to not do it, and that when I do so my energy stays up and my drive to pursue women skyrockets.

So, from here on out, I will only masturbate when I don’t plan to be doing productive stuff afterwards (which amounts to my law of never doing it before I review my day), and I’ll refrain from it when my goal is to meet women. That pent up sexual energy is excellent fuel for flirting. So I’ll utilize it for that instead of letting it cause me to waste my energy on porn.

When I do fap, I’ll be trying to really appreciate it alike to how I almost always appreciate sex, instead of just using it to quickly satisfy an urge.

Original Experiment Document Here: NoFap Experiment II – 90 Days, Eddy & Kush

——

I’ve come to the hypothesis that, if one has frequent and easy access to sex, there are no noticeable benefits to NoFap.

For 33 days I haven’t looked at porn or masturbaited. The few times where I don’t have access to sex for a few days (for example, when Asha was out on a multi-day date & I wasn’t dating Ayesha because I wanted to work) the only thing I’ve noticed is that I’m extremely horny. Definitely more horny than normal. If anything, the only effect of this is that it distracts me from work and makes me antsy.

When I do stumble across an attractive girl in a movie or online or in reality, I feel horny and attracted just as I did before I started NoFap. No difference.

I’ve gone through a multi-week period where my libido was almost at absolute 0. It’s possible that NoFap attributed to that happening, though it seems like the opposite would be the case. But I think it’s more likely that that happened because I was in a very stressful and dull period of my life. Right now it’s back, but not in full force.

Likewise, my motivation to work has gone from a total crash where I can hardly do anything productive, to days on end where I’m able to just work and work and work. Which is consistent with what it was before NoFap.

I asked /r/NoFap about this here. Feedback:

  • I may have to wait 90 or even 120 days before I see the effects
  • I have saved some time from not looking at porn, which is true. Not worth it though, as I would usually have rather spent that time watching porn.

Original Experiment Document Here: NoFap Experiment II – 90 Days, Eddy & Kush

——

There have been very few moments where I was extremely horny & couldn’t either wait a bit or just get down with it since I came back to Singapore.

Asha (and, for one excellent date night, Ayesha) have been taking good care of me.

BUT, Asha’s got a boy over for 6 days. A guy she met in Japan on Tinder while she was there visiting Josh.

(quick note here, if you’re confused by the names & relationships here. Asha is my wife. Josh is her boyfriend. Ayesha is my girlfriend.)

And it took me all of 5 hours since she left before I found myself dreamily thinking of fucking.

It’s amazingly sudden, the way it hits. One moment you’re working or watching a video or whatever. Then you remember the night before, or you see a pair of cuties on the bus… and bam, you’re uncomfortably horny.

It didn’t use to happen like this. Not this bad at least. I think the fact that I know that sex is my only way to get release amplifies it.

Hell, I’m even going on dates with girls I probably wouldn’t give the time of day to under different circumstances. For example, I’ve got a date tomorrow night with a conversational starfish (you know when you bring a girl home and she just kinda lays there in bed instead of really participating in the sex? I don’t, of course, because I’m so damn good in bed that every girl just can’t stop themselves from pushing back… but that’s called starfishing. So this girl does that via the conversation. She just kinda…. keep it boring. No matter how playful or deep I try to get).

All in all, it’s not that bad. Much easier than I expected it to be.

Kush, who’s my partner in this 90 day NoFap experiment, has been going strong. His girl is taking care of him, though they can’t see each other as often as they’d like. He almost slipped a couple days ago, but held back. Good job, man.

He’s considering a life of NoFap.

I, personally, wouldn’t take it that far. I don’t know whether I miss masturbating or not. I can really enjoy a good session with some quality porn and time on my hands. But it’s also quite time consuming and can become addictive really damn fast.

I’m kinda considering doing NoFap the same way I do fasting. You know, taking a week or three off a few times a year, and not letting myself binge and just watch porn and cum for a whole wasted day.

Oh, one last thing: I am way the fuck more clever. Like, I’m better at flirting, I’m making funnier jokes.

I don’t know if this is because I’ve been studying my text game under Sensei Asha, or because I’ve just in a good flow the last couple days, or because or NoFap, or a combination of these. But it’s a thing.

I wonder if it’ll persist as I NoFap. If it might drop off when I have access to my hand again.

I suppose we’ll have to wait and see.

Original Experiment Document Here: NoFap Experiment II – 90 Days, Eddy & Kush

——

Strangely enough, my libido hasn’t been active. It hasn’t been gone at all, but it seems kinda… dormant.

Perhaps it’s because I haven’t had any real opportunities (been around girls I’m legitimately not interested in, no 3G for online dating, and have been slated to leave in a few days).

Nothing really to report, except that things are quiet.

 

Original Experiment Document Here: NoFap Experiment II – 90 Days, Eddy & Kush

——

Best day I’ve had in weeks. Coincidence? Too many variables to know.

Need to…

  • Come up with things to try when feeling very horny, and test those out.
    • Tinder
    • Approaching girls
    • Pitching clients
    • Learning about stuff like Blockchain and Ethereum
    • Meditation
    • Javascript
    • Exercise
    • Ideal-self-actualization philosophy (reading & taking notes)
    • Podcasts

Dick felt extremely sensitive last night and in the morning.

I sexted with Asha & Ayesha. Couldn’t even caress dick during. Got extremely horny.

After sexting, however, the extreme horniness abated rather quickly. Though never was I completely not horny. I’ve been horny most of the day.

Even showering or lying in bed felt pleasurable. Often uncomfortably so.

Noticed: I seem to be more patient about conversations or sticking to work, because escape to masturbating isn’t an option.

Theory: Abstinence isn’t the ideal solution to porn and masturbation. After this, I should masturbate. But, like I eat a delicious desert; gourmet, take time, not too often.

I’m MUCH more flirtatious and also… aware of how to flirt. I’m a much better flirter. Better than I can remember being in a very long time.

So, today my old friend Kush made me a challenge.

Don’t masturbate for 90 days.

He says it’ll make you feel better, make you more attractive, make you work harder….

I’ve got my doubts.

But, even though he couldn’t convince me that he was right…. I wasn’t convinced that he was wrong either.

Obviously, science needs to get brought into this.

I told him I’d do it.

And he told me he’d join me. We’d do it together, a sacred (& financial) bond keeping us on track and dedicated to see this through for science (though hopes of pussy and confidence aren’t without their presence).

Today is September 1, 2016. We began this experiment at approximately 01:30.

Experiment Rules:

  • No looking at attractive girls’ pictures/vids/audios/etc/ for the purpose of pleasure if we do not know the girl.
    • Pictures & vids & audios of lovers, girls we’re dating or wooing, etc. are okay (so long as you’re not just going through your whole archive of them. That’s pretty much porn).
    • Looking at attractive girls themselves is allowed. Hell, probably encouraged.
  • No masturbation whatsoever.
  • If either participant fails, they owe the other $50. If both fail, they literally have to drop $50 on the street and refuse to take it back.

Participants:

Kaushik (Kush) Satish

  • 21 year old cis man
  • Has girlfriend w/ active sex life
  • High sex drive
  • Has done NoFap before for 60 days

Eddy Azar

  • 22 year old cis man
  • Currently in Canada, dating but unsuccessful
  • Flying to Singapore on Sep 7, 2016
  • Has wife (Asha) with amazing intensity but unknown frequency sex life in Singapore
  • Has girlfriend (Ayesha) with high intensity but infrequent sex life in Singapore
  • Has done NoCum before (fapping allowed). Aimed for 30 days, lasted 27

Hypothesis:

Kush

  • Increased energy
  • Increased strength
  • Increased sex drive
  • Increased social skills
  • Maybe increased productivity
  • Better sex
  • More attractive to people. Being looked at more. Girls more receptive.
  • Look better to yourself
  • Cum faster
  • Hornier

Eddy

  • Horniness possibly uber persistent to point of distraction.
  • Sex drive will skyrocket. Will be more driven to have sex in every medium.
  • Especially with girls I already have a relationship with
  • I will begin to have wet dreams (which may be doubly strange as I’m on the road and spending a lot of nights in my hammock or friend’s couches/guest-rooms).

Process:

To Do:

  • Unfollow all attractive girls I follow on Instagram
  • Save the really good ones to catch up on when I’m back
  • Sign an agreement to the $50 stakes with Kush (use Hello Sign)
  • Map out & publish Scientific Process document (this)

Daily Report:

Every day, write down report of how day goes. Mini-experiments, experiences, etc.

I will tweet thoughts during the day, and update this document when needed.

[Post experiment note: didn’t keep up daily review. Mostly because there wasn’t much worth noting most of the time]

Let it Begin :)

Results:

After 95 days of NoFap, here’s my results