If I told you that the day I met Asha was the day I met the girl I had always dreamed of, it would be a lie.

Never once, not in my most romantic or wishful dreams, did I ever imagine that a girl like her could exist.

If you took an all-mighty artificial intelligence and asked it to analyze what Eddy is and create his ideal companion, it would create Asha. Our bodies fit like a 2-piece jigsaw puzzle, our philosophies align & mesh, even our bloody flaws compliment each other.

Our fights are loud, unabashed (even when in public), and furious. Our sex is much the same. (more…)

Update [April 6, 2016]: I’ve proven that I’m right about this. I will never need to worry about basic income needs (<$3500 USD/month) again. 10 days ago, I unexpectedly lost all sources of income & did not have any plans to make more. As of today, I have a $2500/month contract with one startup, and a $4000/month contract with another (though it’s being paid 100% in equity for the first month). It took me 10 days to secure $6500 doing things I deeply enjoy. Life goal = achieved. 

Man that feels good.

——–
A month ago, I was flat broke.

I had borrowed money from my mother, grandmother, father in law, friends. And despite that, Asha & I were back to counting cents so tightly that we couldn’t take a ride on the subway without worrying about it.

And this wasn’t a new state of affairs for me. I’ve been having money problems since I first begin playing around with entrepreneurship when I was 16. There have been periods where I wasn’t worried, but most of the time I was painfully low on funds.

Today, I have $2500 USD in my bank accounts. I have another $1750 coming in every month, $500 coming in this week, and I’m meeting to close a deal for $2000/month on Friday. Also included in these deals are profit shares & startup equity. Plus, I deeply enjoy both the work I’m doing and the projects I’m working on.

If anything falls through, I’m not worried; I’ve got about 3-5 clients I’ve had to turn down because I don’t have the time for them right now. My cold-pitch email response rate from potential clients is 75.68%.

Growth Hacking Cold Email Response Rate

You know what changed? You know what it took me 6 fucking years to learn?

(more…)

Walking Meditation

This is part of The Daily Meditation Experiment, where I am practicing one school of meditation per week (well, it’s supposed to be a week. I hasn’t been, really) to understand the overall structure & effects of each.

Meditation Method: Walking Meditation

This is really a simple meditation style. I go for a walk. Done. I can listen to music, think my thoughts, practice parkour, take pictures, whatever.

Adherence: 41%

I have practiced this meditation for 75 days (a week per meditation style, ha!).

As usual, I am terrible at practicing my meditation.

I have learned that I am MUCH more likely to practice it if I wake up and begin my day with my morning ritual (which has me doing yoga outside as one of the first things, then meditating).

I’ll try to improve upon this for my next meditation, and have a chosen an easier style to help achieve this.

Thoughts

The first time I tried walking meditation, it was amazing. I walked around the local area of Ubud’s alley roads. I saw cool construction sites, petted dogs, discovered beautiful hidden gardens, and even ran across a white woman who had evidently married a Balinese man and was walking down the street wearing home-cloths and yelling in Bahasa Indonesia.

I recorded my thoughts during the meditation, and remarked that it’s like a ticket to explore. I’ve uploaded that recording here:

But then I went back to Asha’s parent’s place in Singapore. It’s just a series of huge cement apartment buildings in the boondocks of Singapore.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a beautiful and fascinating place. Singapore’s government takes quite excellent care of it’s people, and this place is full of well-designed paths, nice looking parks, lots of trees, and the beautifully designed front yards of the tenants. And a lot of stray cats. I even saw a group of workers installing some solar panels on the roofs. (more…)

  • Mentioning the time the email takes to read before sending it increases replies by 175%
  • It is hugely important that I learn to moderate my anger with Asha, and love her. Especially when she is crying, and even when she is rude and mean. I love her, and she loves me. To be a dick to her is simply not acceptable. Asha, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry & I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone besides my dad.
  • I really enjoy entrepreneurial meetups. They’re shockingly valuable & quite enjoyable.
  • If a meeting is important to me, I need to aim to be there an hour early. Then I should be on time.
  • If you begin feeling a need to prove yourself, shut up.
  • Reading books about worthy heroes instills in me a desire to join their ranks.
  • Taking a day to go relax somewhere beautiful is a great idea. Spending the day at a park, or botanical gardens, or beach, is incredibly relaxing.
  • I don’t like being around normal people. Even if they’re nice and they’re family and all that, I’d rather stay home and work or read.

  • I REALLY haven’t been learning from my past mistakes, entrepreneurially. I’m still working with people I don’t admire, I’m still taking on small-pay jobs, and I’m neither rapidly growing my skills or trying to put myself into a position where I can. Enough of that, it’s time to go big or go home and only take on contracts that scare everloving crap out of me.
  • As usual, tasks are 1/5 as hard and 500x as enjoyable once you’ve started them. This is especially true for stuff you’ve never/rarely done before.
  • I love Asha, and she loves me. So much so that I am 95% sure I will still be married to her and in love with her and doing odd and exciting things with her when I am 200 years old. To my amazement, we are continually becoming better and better partners. Challenging and overcoming our fears, allowing eachother to grow, taking loving care of each other when we are down (she is much better at this than I), serving as a major source of each other’s motivation & self-improvement drive. I have the ideal relationship. I am so proud, and I am so lucky.
  • Polyamory is HARD. God damn.

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  • Pole dancing is surprisingly difficult. It requires technique, upper body strength, and some pretty serious pain tolerance (the friction is intense).
  • Usually, when you fear taking an action, a quick look at it reveals that there is actually nothing to lose. Write and publish a blog post? The only thing worse than publishing shitty posts is not publishing posts. Approach someone sexy? Right now, you’re doing 0 enjoyable things with that sexy person; Approaching them could equal at least 1, and getting shut down usually feels better than not trying.
  • Asha is doing her best in our relationship, and that deserves nothing but love and appreciation. I must simply guide us to make sure that we respect each other and support each other without making each other feel restricted.
  • Artsakh is a country that isn’t recognized by the UN. Gregory has been there. That’s cool.
  • People, in general, are kinda disappointing. There are very few heroes.
  • I admire Asha for her ability to, without fear, directly challenge and criticize authority.
  • Remember stoicism when you get attached to an idea.
  • I learned that turning off the hibernate function on a Windows OS can free up a lot of space
  • I learned that, when I need my time to cool down, I should tell Asha directly.
  • I shouldn’t try to show Asha that I’m her strong man by showing that I’m stronger than her. Just that I’m strong.
  • Doing something physical and thinking is a great way to handle any emotional problem.
  • I can easily change my mindset into one that is unstressed, well-designed, and appreciative of a quality outlook

What I Learned This Week (Nov 2 - 8, 2015)

  • Rereading a book after a period of time makes it a very differnet book.
  • Always, always negotiate to get what is fair.
  • Jealousy & fear can lead to a lot of pain and mistrust. One way or another, I must internalize two things.
    1. I have chosen to put my full trust in Asha, and I have never caught her breaking it. While it is definitely possible that she does break my trust without me knowing, for reasons I don’t understand… thinking like that will drive me mad and surely end our relationship. I am left with but one reasonable option: trust her, and find comfort in that trust.
    2. I do not need Asha. I want her almost desperately. My life would be worse off without her. But I do not need her. She supports my work, is a source of my comfort and emotional warmth, allows me to koo, ensures my sex life is excellent, is adventurous and philosophical… she is excellent for me. But to allow these facts to make me cling too tightly to her will simply harm us and handicap me. I must be able to walk alone, even with her. Take deep pleasure and comfort in her presence, but not rely upon it too often.
  • Bring in interesting and inspiring ‘fuel’ for my mind, and I will be compelled to produce interesting and inspiring work. If creativity is shit, this is food.
  • I have to weigh my actions by my own scale. Other’s believing different than me can be listened to, but it must always come down to my own judgment on myself.
  • I must never again allow my lesser self to take control of my actions. When I do what my highest self does not want to do, I don’t fully enjoy it, and I often steal enjoyment from my future in the process. It is almost fully self-destructive. To do what I most desire, in my highest self, leads me to the highest enjoyment in the moment & an enjoyment that serves to build the foundation for an increased future enjoyment. As I go, my enjoyment will grow exponentially, built on the base of past actions and building the base of future actions.
  • Polyamory takes a LOT more work than monogamy. The increase in relationships, paired with humanity’s relative inexperience in the realm, leads to a TON of turmoil. If ever Asha and I decide to really look into it (possible, as it has a lot of benefits), we will have to be very solid together and able to survive & thrive in just about any environment.
  • Seeking to always improve in every way (posture, kegles, writing faster, creating ambiance, etc.) is an enjoyable habit to form.
  • No one really know anything, and all I can truly know is that I know nothing & that the few things I have strong hunches on are things that must be proven by my own experimentation & nothing else.
  • Asha is doing her best, as am I. When she tries to make me talk about everything, when she wants to cuddle when I want to work, when she does all of that stuff out of love for me and a desire for the most enjoyment in our relationship. If I feel that she is making me do things I don’t want to, I simply have to correct the course of things.
  • I learned more about how to analyze a website funnel. Really, once you gather the data, the advice it gives is quite blaring and self-apparent.
  • I learned about using the Why game to break down pretty much anything.
  • There is nothing to lose by writing a post. There is no reputation to be damaged, no audience to fail, nothing. There is only the chance of an excellent post, or the choice of no post.

 

What I Learned This Week (Nov 2 - 8, 2015)

  • It feels good, sometimes, to not have a bunch of thoughts and plans and to just feel emotion.
  • Rereading a book after a period of time makes it a very differnet book.
  • Planning a year takes little more than a day or two.
  • Always, always negotiate to get what is fair.
  • Jealousy & fear can lead to a lot of pain and mistrust. One way or another, I must internalize two things.
    1. I have chosen to put my full trust in Asha, and I have never caught her breaking it. While it is definitely possible that she does break my trust without me knowing, for reasons I don’t understand… thinking like that will drive me mad and surely end our relationship. I am left with but one reasonable option: trust her, and find comfort in that trust.
    2. I do not need Asha. I want her almost desperately. My life would be worse off without her. But I do not need her. She supports my work, is a source of my comfort and emotional warmth, allows me to koo, ensures my sex life is excellent, is adventerous and philosophical… she is excellent for me. But to allow these facts to make me cling too tightly to her will simply harm us and handicap me. I must be able to walk alone, even with her. Take deep pleasure and comfort in her presence, but not rely upon it too often.
  • Bring in interesting and inspiring ‘fuel’ for my mind, and I will be compelled to produce interesting and inspiring work. If creativity is shit, this is food.

This is part of The Daily Meditation Experiment, where I am practicing one school of meditation per week (well, it’s supposed to be a week. I hasn’t been, really.) to understand the overall structure & effects of each.

Meditation Method: I Am Meditation

This is a quite simple meditation type. The goal is to obtain a feeling of who you are.

How it’s done:

  1. Sit down with your eyes closed, and ask yourself “What am I?”.
  2. If the answer comes to you in the form of a thought, discard it, and ask the question again. Focus instead on the subjective feeling of “I”.
  3. Whenever thoughts/emotions arise that distract you from the question, ask yourself “To whom does this arise?”. The answer will be “Me”. To which you ask “Who am I?”, thereby bringing yourself back into the meditation.

I did this meditation 9 times over the course of 19 days.

Adherence: 47%

I practiced I Am meditation from September 15 to October 3rd (considerably more than a week) to August 2nd. In those 19 days, I achieved a full meditated session for 9 days.

My pathetic adherence record combined with the minimal value I found in this meditation very nearly stopped me from publishing this post. However this experiment is about successes as much as it is about failures, so here it is, published so you can know where the value is and how damn difficult it is to ahere to.

Thoughts

This seems like a strange middleman-esque meditation without much value to it.

While I did, at times, get some clarity and a powerful feeling of who I am, it was not something I am unable to get elsewhere.

(more…)

Lessons Learned August 17

 

  1. I’m proud of being confident and congruent with myself at the wedding 
  2. I’m proud that George complimented me by saying I had not asked him a stupid question the whole night.
  3. I’m proud of Asha coming up with the idea of pitching Instaroid to cafes & bars
  4. I’m proud of thinking “what would a prolific creative & voracious learner do right now” and doing it.
  5. Fake it till you become it is a real thing. If you assume confident body language and actions, you will start and internal and external feedback loop that makes you confident. Same with if you assume the actions and lifestyle of a hugely creative and learning person.
  6. Asha isn’t too keen on travelling for long periods of time away from Singapore. This is going to cause strain in our relationship, but she is (and so I am) confident we will find a way to be happy without either of us overly sacrificing.
  7. I’m proud of where Asha and I are in our relationship. We’ve figured out the foundations, I believe. We’re amazing for each other, and I’m confident that next to nothing could break us apart.