Started kinda out of nowhere shortly after I arrived in Taipei. My fire to work and my passion just started wavering and wound up crashed. I spend about a week doing very little work.

Not sure what started it. Or what ended it.

On Nov 28, I wrote this note.
So, I feel motivation coming back. With a big dose of stress for being behind schedule.

Why is my motivation coming back?
Well, I spent days trying to get it back. And it’s seemed to be coming slowly.


So, I’ve been trying to eliminate crashes from my life. Its a life goal to have no weeks be so down that I would overall regret my actions in hindsight.

You can see a few examples of crashes here.

Screen Shot 2017-11-14 at 3.22.12 PM

Towards this effort, I’ve begun keep tracking of crashes in my life, and recording both how they happened, what happened, and my efforts to get out of them.

I’ll publish them ever and now and then on this blog.

Update: I gotta put my pride aside and publish that, I think I done goofed. 

While I didn’t agree with some of the transparency decision Julian and the team made, none of them were any sort of major transgression & I should have either followed the CEO’s rules or stopped working with them. To keep working with them and think that I could change Julian’s mind by action was a risk, and probably not one worth taking. 

C’est la vie. The 40x increase of worth of the Golem Network Token (and therefore Golem itself) lends an extra sting to my fuckup… though its a bit salved by the investment in GNT I made at the ICO. 

And hey, most of the best lessons are learned from experience.


TL;DR: I believe in transparent and open communication as a startup. Julian & the Golem team are more into moderation and controlling the message. I still hold a large portion of my net worth in GNT, I still think GNT is going to be a world-changing company, and I wish the team the best of luck. But know, if you are a Golem user, that you will have to look elsewhere than in the Golem-controlled channels to learn everything that is happening.


A few days ago the worth of 1 GNT (Golem Network Token) roughly doubled. Which peaked it at an aprox 460% increase since the ICO in November (yes, it was an ICO. They have to call it a crowdfunding event for legal purposes but when you sell coins for the first time, that the definition of an Initial Coin Offering. This is, however, my personal opinion and in no way the view of Golem Factory GmbH).

At the time, that made GNT about 29% of my total net worth.

I was quite excited.


In The Arena

I wrote this four years ago, when I was 19 years old. Re-posting from for posterity & because it is still 100% relevant.


A note to self, that turned out to be a near universal truth to all young entrepreneurs.


No, I am not ahead of the game.

I do not have ample time.

Nothing is guaranteed.

I will not be fine.

Sure, I’ve done one or two impressive things for my age. So what? At my age, Elon Musk was building PayPal.

In comparison to many, I’m ahead of the game…but why compare myself to the many? Even when comparing myself to those I respect, there is no reason for me to ever feel lax or like I am guaranteed to come out ahead.

The truth is, I’m not.

Here’s the truth: Lately, I’m lazy. I slack off, I waste time, and I don’t get shit done. This isn’t always the case, but it is more often than it’s not.

Here’s another truth: I love life most when I’m in one of two states: Either I’m adventuring completely, with no plans for my days and much exploring. Or else I’m creating something, and devoting everything I’ve got to it. If I’m creating something and giving it any less than all I’ve got, I don’t feel good…and that’s my body telling me that I’m operating wrong.

Yet I sit at my computer and feel overwhelmed or bored or simply lazy. Why?

I don’t know for sure, but I believe it has to do with humans’ natural tendency to be inactive. In a survival setting, it is in our best interest to conserve energy so that, when the lion leaps out of the bushes, we’ve got all the energy we need to run away.

But the time of lions has passed. I am not in a survival setting.

I am in the time of philosophy, where how you think dictactes how you live. I am in a setting of lifestyle design.

I have a choice to make, and my natural inclination is towards the latter while my desire is towards the former. I can choose to exert all my energy into cultivating a lifestyle & mindset backed by philosophy that allows me to remove all barriers, self made and otherwise, and give everything I’ve got into whatever I’m focused on, thereby maximizing the chances of turning my goals into my reality and enjoying my life to it’s fullest. Or I can choose to take it easy, live a normal life, and look back at the end of my life without great pride or great regret…just a collection of passable memories.

To me, the latter is death. What is the point of living, and living consciously, if you live on autopilot?

Yet the former is not an easy route to choose. It is the path that is walked by heros, and no others. It’s followers are most often found in fiction novels, and quite rare in reality.

I want to be one of those who choose a path of self-moulding. I am nothing that I do not choose to be. None of us are. But most of us choose to accept the influences of our outside world and so be moulded into something that is not entirely under our control.

It does not have to be this way. Social awakwardness, fear, laziness….it’s all just the product of being moulded instead of moulding oneself.

How can I mould myself?

First, listen to no one without hearing your own objections. Convention states that everyone has down days. It states that, at 19, I am ahead of the game. It states that you can’t always give 100%. That you’re emotions are you, instead of a tool of yours. That your thoughts and your mind are you, instead of just a set of tools.

What am I? I am my inspiration. My emotions & my thoughts are tools of my inspiration. My body is a tool of my mind. They need not effect me anymore than a pop-up notification need be clicked. I can take note them, address them immediately, or complete ignore them, depending on what best serves my inspiration.

I know what I want. I know it instinctively.

I know how to get it. Usually instinctively, or else I know how to learn how to get it.

Often, despite this knowledge, I will do something that is not what I want or not the best way to get it. My emotions and preconceptions and fears take hold of my actions and steer them off the best course.

This need not happen. I know all that I need to know…going about following that knowledge is simply a process of treating my thoughts and emotions as imperfect tools, and doing what is best for my inspiration.

I don’t want to regret my days. I don’t want to go to bed knowing that I did no do my best. I don’t want to be a servant of my lower selves.

I want to go to bed proud and exhausted every single day. I want to spend my days absorbing reality to it’s fullest, and building my life into what I dream it can be. I want to be completely fearless, and have the internal mindsets and rituals to override all obstacles and bring me rocketing towards my goals.

This isn’t just about adventure & entrepreneurship anymore. I’m not here just to make an automated income that lets me travel and have fun. This is about love, and finding the perfect woman, and having what I need to be the best man in the world for her. This is about body hacking, and learning all the supplements and rituals and tests and experiments I can do to optimize the capabilities of my body and mind. This is about immortality, and learning how to live forever by whatever means I can. This is about being the kind of person my mentors & role models will enjoy spending a lot of time with, and feel confident in asking and following my advice. This is about deep adventure, doing the kinds of things that change the way I see the world and having nothing outside of my reach.

This is about living a life worthy of a great novel’s main character. A Jarlaxle, who changes the lives of legendary warriors for fun, destroys and creates dynasties for pleasure, lives life for the enjoyment of it, hangs around dragons & heros & villains & legends, and is remembered only as a confused memory of a dramatic whirlwind of action and creation by most who cross his path, be they a street merchant or a king.

This is about disregarding the game everyone else is playing, making a better one, and finding a select few who you would enjoy playing deeply with.

This is about being worth the gift of life that most of us have forgotten the value of.

  • Do what’s most important before everything else.
  • When doing something, focus 100% on it. Don’t let a single thing distract you. Full focus on the moment & what you’ve devoted it to.
  • Gotta set and keep to hard stops when doing addictive things. Set an end time & stick to it.
  • Procrastination is my killer. Avoiding tasks that take like 5 hours and stretching done time to weeks. This and crashes are the biggest problems I have.
  • Consistency, procrastination, and focus. These are the three horsemen of my apocalypse.
  • Acroyoga is fun as fuck
  • Act like you’re Manny (chilled out polyamorous character from The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress by Robert A. Heinlein). Drowning in pussy, not worried about it ever, but still able to deeply appreciate women.
  • I gotta work pretty hard to make my security more top notch. Turns out that maintaining one’s privacy is actually a pretty time & energy intensive matter. Also paranoia-making.

Original Experiment Document Here: NoFap Experiment II – 90 Days, Eddy & Kush


So, it’s been 95 days since I masturbated, looked at porn for pleasure, or ejaculated/orgasmed via any means that don’t involve another person.

The fact that that’s 95 days and not the originally intended 90, because Asha (my wife) is headed to Japan to see her boyfriend for a few days and I didn’t really have much incentive to masturbate when I’ve got a girl like her around, is telling. I didn’t go through anywhere near the kind of temptations and sexual deprivation that most other NoFappers have to endure without at least one partner.

Asha and my relationship is so sexual that, for the first 6 months or so, I didn’t fap at all simply because I was having so much sex that fapping was never appealing. Well that and because she had an unhealthy dislike of me masturbating. Our sexual life wasn’t what it used to be for most of this experiment thanks to some stresses we’ve been going through, but we still averaged at least once every few days.

Another thing worth noting is that I went on a pretty intense porn binge right before I started the experiment, while I was alone in Canada. I did a LOT (I mean a LOT) of masturbating and smoking weed for a week or so before starting. I didn’t know I was going to try NoFap then, so this wasn’t motivated by knowing I’d be going without.

So, what are the results of 95 days of NoFap  w/ partners?

How NoFap Is Supposed To Affect You

There’s a pretty huge range of effects people report via NoFap. The most common are:

  • You will be more attractive to girls. They’ll check you out more, you’ll be more skillful at flirting, you’ll get laid more.
  • You’ll feel more motivated and more awesome. Being the man you wish you were is much more easy.
  • You’ll experience flatlines, which are periods of depression and/or low libido
  • On the flip side, if you’re dealing with any form of depression or general shitty feelings, this will help alleviate that.
  • You’ll be more energetic.
  • If you work out, you’ll see a faster rate of growth.

A few examples of these claims:

Effects that 95 days of NoFap had on me

In short, not much in terms of long-term effects. But a definitely appreciation for the short-term effects of masturbation and how best to use it.

More motivation and skill with women?

Especially in periods where I wasn’t with Asha, my mounting horniness would drive me to go a bit crazy with girls. I’d be swiping on Tinder like crazy, approaching girls on the street the few times I was on the street, and being pretty damn clever and funny and flirty.

I only went on a few dates, and had sex with only one other girl, mainly because when Asha was back within a few days my motivation to get other women went down heavily.

Eventually I wound up going on a date with a cool girl. She was clearly interested in me, she was doing some pretty cool stuff with her life (a pretty well developed philosophy of hard agnosticism, a lot of well thought out viewpoints, cute face and body, learning biochemistry to develop medical substances)… and I just wasn’t interested. So I stopped dating. Will resume later when my desire is back up.

But, when I am talking to women, this feeling and tone of desperation and almost kicked-dog-like desire for approval is completely gone. I’m much more detached from whether or not they’re into me, and more interested in entertaining myself and learning about who they are. I wonder if that’s a result of NoFap and if it’s something that will stay even after I stop.

Post-fap note: Yup, it’s stayed. Which means that I can’t definitively attribute this improvement to NoFap, though I can’t rule it out either.


I think, though I can’t be sure, that I went through a few periods of emotional lows that were at least partially influenced by NoFap.

I definitely experienced libido swings. There were periods where I was so horny I couldn’t work or sleep or do anything but flirt. And there were multi-week periods where my libido was just lower than I can ever remember it. Quite a lot of time was spent in the latter, which I’m hoping that fapping will put an end to as I enjoy life more when I’m hornier.

I’d expected my sex drive to go up drastically. Interesting to see that, to a large degree, the opposite happened.

Besides those two…

There were no noticeable effects on my life from NoFap. Nothing. I wasn’t more motivated, more active, more confident, more attractive to women.

There were times I was so horny I couldn’t work or sleep and just found myself flirting endlessly on Tinder and OkCupid. So my earlier prediction about being horny to the point of distraction was correct.

Simply put, the effects of not masturbaiting while having regular access to sex was, for me at least, negligible.

I’m actually excited to masturbate again. I think it’s going to be really enjoyable.

Post-Fap Notes

Well, the first two days of being able to masturbate knocked me on my ass. I spent nearly two whole days jacking off and watching TV and generally wasting time.

One thing is for sure here: I did not have a good handle on my ability to control my urges with this drug. I lost control.

This has happened before, under similar circumstances. I start the day, decide to give into the urge, and wind up in a cycle of stagnation.

To counter this, I set a new law in my life: I cannot masturbate until after I’ve reviewed my day. Period. It’s been ~9 days since then, and I haven’t screwed up (or masturbated more than a couple times, I think).

After recovering from those two days, however, I haven’t seen any change in myself. My interest in women is still minimal, my libido has risen a bit but not a huge amount, I’m not more or less depressed or happy or motivated or active or anything.


NoFap gave me an appreciation for the power of masturbation, and my ability to resist doing it when it would have a negative impact on my life.

While there aren’t any long-term effects of masturbating or not that I noticed, the short term effects of ejaculation, namely fatigue and tiredness, are definitely there.

Just as with any drug (I’d classify this, as well as video games, as drugs in that they artificially stimulate your dopamine levels and can cause addiction) masturbation can be harmful if used wrongly and should be done mindfully. I have succumbed to indulging in it to a point that it’s a net negative to my overall enjoyment & a source of procrastination and stagnation, and NoFap has shown me that I can decide to not do it, and that when I do so my energy stays up and my drive to pursue women skyrockets.

So, from here on out, I will only masturbate when I don’t plan to be doing productive stuff afterwards (which amounts to my law of never doing it before I review my day), and I’ll refrain from it when my goal is to meet women. That pent up sexual energy is excellent fuel for flirting. So I’ll utilize it for that instead of letting it cause me to waste my energy on porn.

When I do fap, I’ll be trying to really appreciate it alike to how I almost always appreciate sex, instead of just using it to quickly satisfy an urge.

Update [April 6, 2016]: I’ve proven that I’m right about this. I will never need to worry about basic income needs (<$3500 USD/month) again. 10 days ago, I unexpectedly lost all sources of income & did not have any plans to make more. As of today, I have a $2500/month contract with one startup, and a $4000/month contract with another (though it’s being paid 100% in equity for the first month). It took me 10 days to secure $6500 doing things I deeply enjoy. Life goal = achieved. 

Man that feels good.

A month ago, I was flat broke.

I had borrowed money from my mother, grandmother, father in law, friends. And despite that, Asha & I were back to counting cents so tightly that we couldn’t take a ride on the subway without worrying about it.

And this wasn’t a new state of affairs for me. I’ve been having money problems since I first begin playing around with entrepreneurship when I was 16. There have been periods where I wasn’t worried, but most of the time I was painfully low on funds.

Today, I have $2500 USD in my bank accounts. I have another $1750 coming in every month, $500 coming in this week, and I’m meeting to close a deal for $2000/month on Friday. Also included in these deals are profit shares & startup equity. Plus, I deeply enjoy both the work I’m doing and the projects I’m working on.

If anything falls through, I’m not worried; I’ve got about 3-5 clients I’ve had to turn down because I don’t have the time for them right now. My cold-pitch email response rate from potential clients is 75.68%.

Growth Hacking Cold Email Response Rate

You know what changed? You know what it took me 6 fucking years to learn?


  • Mentioning the time the email takes to read before sending it increases replies by 175%
  • It is hugely important that I learn to moderate my anger with Asha, and love her. Especially when she is crying, and even when she is rude and mean. I love her, and she loves me. To be a dick to her is simply not acceptable. Asha, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry & I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone besides my dad.
  • I really enjoy entrepreneurial meetups. They’re shockingly valuable & quite enjoyable.
  • If a meeting is important to me, I need to aim to be there an hour early. Then I should be on time.
  • If you begin feeling a need to prove yourself, shut up.
  • Reading books about worthy heroes instills in me a desire to join their ranks.
  • Taking a day to go relax somewhere beautiful is a great idea. Spending the day at a park, or botanical gardens, or beach, is incredibly relaxing.
  • I don’t like being around normal people. Even if they’re nice and they’re family and all that, I’d rather stay home and work or read.

  • I REALLY haven’t been learning from my past mistakes, entrepreneurially. I’m still working with people I don’t admire, I’m still taking on small-pay jobs, and I’m neither rapidly growing my skills or trying to put myself into a position where I can. Enough of that, it’s time to go big or go home and only take on contracts that scare everloving crap out of me.
  • As usual, tasks are 1/5 as hard and 500x as enjoyable once you’ve started them. This is especially true for stuff you’ve never/rarely done before.
  • I love Asha, and she loves me. So much so that I am 95% sure I will still be married to her and in love with her and doing odd and exciting things with her when I am 200 years old. To my amazement, we are continually becoming better and better partners. Challenging and overcoming our fears, allowing eachother to grow, taking loving care of each other when we are down (she is much better at this than I), serving as a major source of each other’s motivation & self-improvement drive. I have the ideal relationship. I am so proud, and I am so lucky.
  • Polyamory is HARD. God damn.


  • Pole dancing is surprisingly difficult. It requires technique, upper body strength, and some pretty serious pain tolerance (the friction is intense).
  • Usually, when you fear taking an action, a quick look at it reveals that there is actually nothing to lose. Write and publish a blog post? The only thing worse than publishing shitty posts is not publishing posts. Approach someone sexy? Right now, you’re doing 0 enjoyable things with that sexy person; Approaching them could equal at least 1, and getting shut down usually feels better than not trying.
  • Asha is doing her best in our relationship, and that deserves nothing but love and appreciation. I must simply guide us to make sure that we respect each other and support each other without making each other feel restricted.
  • Artsakh is a country that isn’t recognized by the UN. Gregory has been there. That’s cool.
  • People, in general, are kinda disappointing. There are very few heroes.
  • I admire Asha for her ability to, without fear, directly challenge and criticize authority.
  • Remember stoicism when you get attached to an idea.
  • I learned that turning off the hibernate function on a Windows OS can free up a lot of space
  • I learned that, when I need my time to cool down, I should tell Asha directly.
  • I shouldn’t try to show Asha that I’m her strong man by showing that I’m stronger than her. Just that I’m strong.
  • Doing something physical and thinking is a great way to handle any emotional problem.
  • I can easily change my mindset into one that is unstressed, well-designed, and appreciative of a quality outlook