Crash Report – Nov 14-28, 2016 (12d)

Started kinda out of nowhere shortly after I arrived in Taipei. My fire to work and my passion just started wavering and wound up crashed. I spend about a week doing very little work.

Not sure what started it. Or what ended it.

On Nov 28, I wrote this note.
So, I feel motivation coming back. With a big dose of stress for being behind schedule.

Why is my motivation coming back?
Well, I spent days trying to get it back. And it’s seemed to be coming slowly.

Also, it’s been two weeks of below average performance. My ~average dip. According to my pattern, I can expect the next 2-4 weeks to be above average, then this again.

So… why did I go down?
– Work seemed overwhelming
– – It’s not a lack of hard deadlines. I’ve had that before and still done this.
– Everything seemed both meaningless (nihilist) and unenjoyable (symptom or cause?)

I can’t identify anything else. So the answer is I don’t know why I went down and I don’t know why I’m feeling better.

But… I may be able to do something to mitigate the downside. Make my dips not so bad. What?

A morning ritual, a habit of always doing MITs first, and a nightly review. If those are really solid in me, I’ll still do the MED even when I’m feeling like dog shit.

Today’s MIT:
– Plan Week
– Respond to all emails & communication channels

Note: after a slower than desirable morning ritual, I feel less pumped. However, I spend the morning well. Learned logic, taught some Bayesian logic to Asha and in the process understood it better myself (it’s still super confusing). I believe it’s main tenant is looking at how you can disprove any belief you have by both finding evidence that falsifies it and finding other possible explanations that could result in the same outcome.

Got on the bus around 1410. Woke around 12. Okay. Not too bad. But didn’t do meditation or anything.

Feelings
– Nihilism. Not feeling that there is any point to any of my goals.

Learnings:
– Looking at my weekly ratings, I see a clear pattern:
○ 2-3 weeks of above average performance
○ 1-2 weeks of below average performance
○ Sometimes 1 week of performance that is quite good compared to the previous shitty weeks
○ Repeat
– Realizing that a part of my crash cycle is definitely just a cycle I have, I can either try to change that cycle (which people like Tim Ferriss & Andras advise against), try to lengthen the duration of good times (by perhaps forcing myself to take breaks? Nah.), or try to soften the negative impact of down cycles (by building solid rituals and MIT-following into my life)
– I think the third option, of softening the impact of the down cycles via rituals & always following MITs, is the best one.
– Things that do not help:
○ Deadlines & people counting on me
– Things that harm me
○ Being at home.
○ Stress & worry definitely contributes to this. It drives me into it, keeps me in it, and makes it harder for me to get out. Not freaking out about things I cannot control (the past, other’s decisions, etc.) will have a great improvement to my ability to kick ass.
○ Not having rituals & doing MITs daily. That definitely contributed. If I had a regular morning ritual, practice of doing MITs daily, and nightly ritual I’d be doing a lot better.

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