I forgive you dad. I understand. You loved me.
Mom, it’s not your fault. You don’t know how to love because you grew up without it. It’s not in your DNA and it’s not in your childhood.
You see me as something that reflects on you. You love me, I can tell, as much as you could ever love anything.
But that’s not much.
Chris, you fucking failed me. You forgot how to deal with me, you got detached from me, and your motives are no longer to make me love life. I don’t know what your motives are, but you’ve forgotten how to deal with me.
I am alone. It’s just me. Dad’s dead, Mum’s useless, and Chris has forgotten.
I have to rely on me, I’m the only one who will ever be around for me. This will either wreck me (like it does to most people), or make me strong enough to fight ahead when all others fall short.
You see, many people have a torch. Given to them by their parents, it lights the way and makes sure they don’t scrape themselves on rocks too often.
I have a match. And now it’s burnt out.
Some people have nothing.
That means that I have the greatest odds of achieving my dream.
For those with a torch, they will get far. But when their torch finally burns out and they start getting hurt in the uncharted territory, they will not have the experience to weather the pains and keep moving forward. Often, they will become comfortably normal.
For those with nothing, they get hit too hard, too soon. Before they have a chance to see a path, they are forced to grow a tough shell or die. This shell will stop them from even noticing a meaning in life, so they’ll never make it far. Fucked up or normal is where they usually end up.
For people with a match, they get hurt a lot. But they have enough light to choose a path and a reason for persevering. Then the match burns out, and they get hurt nearly as hard as those with nothing. But, if they have chosen a path in the short time they have, they will have a reason to move forward. They will develop a tough shell, tough enough to let them persevere where everyone else gives in, and they will develop a goal to aim at.
There are few situations better suited for achieving personal success than my own. I have been given amazing DNA, my path has not been padded, but has been lit enough for me to see it. Now my match is gone, and the path is known. It’s time for me to be able to rely solely on myself, and to make my dream of love and freedom into my reality.