The Minimum-Viable-Product Approach to Love

Love-by-instinct VS Love-by-MVP

This is an edited excerpt from the Words of Focus project.


Required Qualities

  • Willingness & ability to completely end and disconnect from anyone at any time.
  • Complete openness, honesty, and integrity.
  • Highly attentive to actions of others, and trust of my instinctual understanding of what they signal.

Okay, let’s look at the process I usually follow in my search for love and lust.

We’ll call this process:

Love by Instinct

  • I see the girl. I keep looking. I am infatuated.
  • I pursue the girl.
  • If all goes well, we talk a bit. How much depends on how much we connect…however that isn’t a factor in wanting to have sex.
  • Then, if things continue to go well, we have sex.

So that’s AttentionDesire -> Interest(maybe) -> Action

What’s the result?

A lot of time (and energy. And distraction!) wasted in the Attention phase because it is all I need to have desire.

An interest phase that is almost purely ornamental.

Then an action phase. Which I pay for with far too much time spent in the previous phases that is not balanced with enjoyment.

Now what process would follow Lean Startup Philosophy?

Well call this:

Love by MVP

Phase 1: Attention.

  • I look at girls unabashedly if they catch my eye.
  • If my interest is not above average, I will banish interest and it is over.
  • I do not look too often, and I stay very aware for signs.
    • If I see a sign of disinterest, I banish interest and it is over.
    • If I see no signs, or ambivalence, I banish interest and it is over.
    • If I see a sign of interest (which is defined simply by my gut instinct, as nothing else could possibly be more accurate in this instance), then I introduce myself (when I am not devoted to anything that is more important).

REQUIRED: Above average interest from me & clear interest from her.

Phase 2: Interest

  • I meet the girl. Talk about something relevant to the world we are currently in (so something intriguing about her OR something on my mind).
    • If the conversation fails to start, I banish interest, and it is over.
    • If the conversation isn’t clearly engaging to her and definitively interesting to me, I banish interest, and it is over.
    • If the conversation is going well, I let it flow for as long as it flows. I learn her stories and lifspeki, and I share mine with her.
      • If we part, we will naturally exchange contact info. I will not push for this, and I will see if she does.
        • If she does not, and I do not, I will ask her why she has not, with complete focus on learning why someone who seems exceptionally interested in me would not strive to find a way to not let our relationship die as a sprout. I will analyze her response emotionlessly, with full intent to learn.

REQUIRED: A mutually interesting conversation.

Phase 3: Desire

note: All interactions that make it this far will be recorded as field reports so I can learn from them.

  • As we interact, I will simply allow my desire to guide me. I will allow my eyes to freely roam her body. I will allow my hands and body to interact with hers however they wish. I will stay highly attentive to her reactions, and truthfully and honestly respond to any questions she has for me.
    • If I discover that the desire is not mutual, I banish desire.
      • If I am extremely interested in her as a person (I should be, or else I’m probably cheating my filter), then we stay interested & friends.
      • If I do not consider her a potential member of my tribe, I banish interest and it ends there.
  • If I discover that the desire is mutual, then I simply continue to allow it to guide me. We will make our way to Phase 4 naturally.

REQUIRED: Mutual sexual interest

Phase 4: Action

  • Any one who has made it to Phase 4 is a sexy, interesting, inspiring, story-making, human. And they think the same thing about me.
  • At this point, we have sex. We are either good friends who have sex, or we are lovers. We will most likely continue to have sex, and enjoy each other’s existences until we stop existing.


So, the way I have been doing it up till now is the “LOVE by instinct” method. The method I have just outlined is the “LOVE by mvp” method.

The LOVE by mvp method results in, I hypothesize, slightly less sex than the LOVE by instinct. It results in a significantly more balanced ratio of time and effort spent : enjoyment gained. It also, I hypothesize, results in less time and effort spent overall. It results in an astronomically improved quality of sex and of tribe members.

The LOVE by instinct method results in not much sex. It results in a a very unbalanced ratio of time & effort spent : enjoyment gained, with very little enjoyment for each ‘unit’ of time&effort. It results in a varied quality of sex and tribe member, with a peak that is almost definitely lesser than the LOVE by mvp method.

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